Failed attempt at home care

I am so filled with frustration right now I might explode!

My mom was supposed to get her first home support worker today, but she would have none of it! First a supervisor came to the house to try to do some paperwork and confirm the schedule with us. To make a long story short, my mom began to raise objections to having a home support worker come at all (despite the fact that she had agreed to it previously).

Because of her confusion and communication difficulty, her arguments didn't make any sense, and she didn't understand what we were trying to tell her. But it was very clear that she did not want a home support worker, because she didn't want somebody dictating to her what time or how she had to do anything. We have been through all of this so many times before, and she has been open to having home care before! But suddenly she decided she wants nothing to do with it.

As usual with these kinds of discussions, it went off into other tangents. She began to question why me and AC were living in her home, and told us she didn't want us to live with her. She said she wanted to live independently in her own home for as long as possible. We tried to explain that having us live here and having home care is what enables her to live in her own home.

I don't ever want to tell her that if we don't live with her, she will have to move to an assisted-living facility. Someone else has to tell her that. I'm afraid if I tell her that she will think I'm the one "putting her in a home". She is already blaming me for all of the unpleasant things that are happening to her. She thinks I'm the one who is getting all these people to come to the house and taking away her independence.

I totally broke down during this meeting. It was just too much to take. I have spent so much time talking to the case manager and my siblings about this, and now we have to start all over again. It was also just too much to hear yet again that she thought I was somehow orchestrating all of this against her will.

And the last straw was to be told she didn't want us moving in with her. It's too late! We've given up our home, our jobs, our friends, and everything we hold dear already, based on the fact that she had already agreed we could live with her, and because she is not allowed to live alone anymore. She doesn't understand what we have gone through to come here to be here for her. Now I feel we are really forcing it against her will. But it's too late!

I feel quite lost. I thought we had our future plans sorted out. We are going back home next week for 7 days to sort out some things and bring back some more of our belongings. I've begun applying for jobs and we both hope to be employed pretty soon. But now I wonder if we should even try to stick it out.

Because my mom is not allowed to live alone anymore, she has 3 choices:
1) Let us live with her (combined with home support when we are away)
2) Hire a private full time home support worker
3) Move her to an assisted-living facility

All three of these option take away her independence and are totally disagreeable to her. So I am starting to ask myself, why should me and AC suffer so much if she's going to be miserable with all of those options?

Also, do we really have to have home care? I'm starting to wonder if maybe we should go ahead and let her be on her own as much as necessary and see what happens.

Today I am definitely leaning towards moving out of here as soon as we are settled into our new jobs and have built up enough money. That would mean she'd have to accept option #2 or 3. But I know that this journey is a real roller coaster, and I might feel differently about it tomorrow.