A good(ish) week

This week has been pretty good! I think my mom is finally getting used to having me around and has been letting go of her suspicion towards me. She's still as confused as ever, but she's not directing anger towards me too much anymore. I'm also getting better about what situations to avoid and how to deflect her anger when it does come up.

AC has also noticed that she hasn't been napping as often lately. That's a good sign, because she used to nap excessively -- I think almost as a way to escape.

If she's not having a day of excessive napping, she has days of excessive walking. She usually has about 5 walks a day, rain, snow or shine. Sometimes we'll have just gotten home from a walk 15 minutes ago and she'll announce that she needs to go for a walk. I'm not sure if she has forgotten that we just had one, or if she just really is that restless.

The walking is good -- I think it really benefits her health -- but of course it's a concern if she walks by herself on a "bad day" in case she gets in a confused state. We're letting her take walks by herself, but if she's not having a good day I always come with her. And with the recent snow I also always go with her, as the last thing we all need is for her to fall and break a hip!

Her communication is as bad as ever though. Although we've had a few really good days in a row lately, she still misunderstands a lot of things.

For example, yesterday we were both up early. I was reading a book on the couch while she puttered around in the kitchen. She asked me if we could buy some bread next time we go to the store and I said yes, of course. A few minutes later she asked me if I wanted to take a shower or if she could go ahead and turn on the dishwasher instead. I said, "No, I'm not having a shower." For some reason she then got very mad at me and said "We've only been awake for 20 minutes and already we're bickering!" She demanded that I tell her why I'm angry with her -- which was impossible because I wasn't, and was totally clueless about why she was suddenly railing against me.

When I tried to tell her I'm not upset with her, she accused me of lying to her and began to berate me for not treating her fairly. I asked her why she thinks I'm upset with her, and she said it's the way I say things.

I finally somehow managed to convince her that I wasn't upset with her -- although by the time we ended our conversation about it I had become upset and had to suppress it.

It is completely frustrating to be accused of being angry when you're not! Especially when I'm so careful to be patient and understanding. When I am upset with her I can't even discuss it with her because she doesn't understand and wouldn't be able to prevent it. There is no way to rationalize anything with her, and I have to remember it is part of her illness. I just have to try to let it go.