I should know better than to think "things are getting better". I guess it was just a lucky few days lately that she was in a better mood. That's officially over for now. *Sigh*
This morning we got a call from the hospital that a CT appointment was available a month from now. My mom had picked up the phone, so she knew who was calling before she passed it on to me. Normally, I would not tell her about the appointment until a day in advance, because she will fret over upcoming appointments so much that she'll lose sleep and be completely worked up until it's over. But I had to tell her what the call was about.
It was not good. She had a meltdown. She began hyperventilating and pacing and demanded we call my brother to ask him to drive her there. I explained that I would drive her there (the main part of moving in with her is to manage her care after all), but she didn't want me to have anything to do with it. She began to accuse me of giving out her personal information to other people (the hospital?) and was obviously suspicious that I was conspiring against her somehow. There was a bit more incoherent arguing (including a "and get that smirk off your face!" comment, even though I wasn't smirking) before she distracted herself with sorting some laundry.
I stepped out for a few minutes to walk to dog and had a good cry. It was the 1 in 10 times that I couldn't "keep my shields up" and I just had to let it out. Her specific words didn't bother me so much as the fact that she didn't trust me. I am deeply lamenting the days when she took for granted the fact that I love her.
My dear angel AC took her out for a walk to help her unwind. What would I do without him? She adores him and trusts him. When she won't talk to me, she'll talk to him. My mother and I both would be miserable (more so) if we didn't have him. He's a saviour. A godsend.
I phoned the local Alzheimer's Society and scheduled an appointment to find out what kind of support they have for caregivers. I'm very much looking forward to attending some support group sessions and workshops ASAP.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
You have my empathy, and compassion as well AB
ReplyDeleteToday I got a call from my mother in Vancouver, who wants me to come into town for an appt. at UBC's brain lab. They want to have a family member there to talk to them separately and she doesn't want to ask either of her siblings who live there. She's been erratic for some time, and I've been chalking it up to eccentricity however perhaps that's not the case.
Her mother (my grandmother) has very poor short term memory, and though she is generally genial, can have a real mean streak from time to time (particularly towards my mother).
Your writing helps me to understand what some of the challenges might be/become, and also helps me to understand that some of the issues she and I have been having for the last couple of years may be indicators of something else.
You're a wonderful lady, with a gigantic heart, and you are loved dearly by your friends and family. You will come through this challenge stronger and wiser.
As a caregiver feel comfortable with asking for lots of support. You are stepping up to do the really hard part with your mother, and anyone helping you will ease that burden. It's easier for them, as you're their filter on the rawness of it all, and don't carry the burden alone!
the biggest hugs
LJ