Finding time for planning & making decisions

Argh...I have been trying to find the time to make a series of phone calls to do research about private home care options. Although I am home most of the time, my mom can be so needy that I haven't been able to make time for this. She is physically quite healthy and able-bodied, but she still wants to go for walks about 5 times a day, or insists on going to the store to pick up one small item, etc. She will try to go out by herself if one of us doesn't accompany her.

AC and I try to split this responsibility, but it still easily takes about 5 hours out of the day. Combined with other errands, chores, phone calls, and personal needs, it fills up the day really quickly.

I will be so happy and relieved when we are able to put a regular all-day caregiver in place! We are also on the (extremely long) wait list for a local Adult Day Centre that deals only with Alzheimer's patients so that she can get a wider variety of stimulation.

My mom doesn't like that I have to talk about her illness with others (nurses, doctors, support groups, etc.) and when she knows I've been on the phone making plans for her, she thinks I'm doing it behind her back and is very resentful and mistrustful. This makes it even harder to find the time to make the calls.

It would be great if I could include her in these conversations, but unfortunately she still denies the severity of her illness (probably always will), and also her comprehension has deteriorated so much that she can't understand the conversations or the necessity and details of the planning and decision-making anyway. The rare times I try to discuss her illness or future planning with her, she gets so worked up and upset that she literally stops me and tells me she doesn't want to discuss it. So I have to make these calls and plans in secret to avoid her anger and prevent any further mistrust.

So yeah, I am knowingly deceptive to her. Unfortunately, it is one of the many things I must do against her will in order to care for her. There will be a lot more unpleasant things we as a family will have to force upon her in the coming months and years, and I'm already bracing myself for it. And not looking forward to it at all!