Things are not getting any better

Things are not getting any better.
With me, that is.
I actually went to my doctor and got a referral for a psychologist. I'm worried that the stress could begin to affect me permanently, and I hope that a professional will help steer me away from that.

Stress is not the right word. As I mentioned previously, I'm past stress. The feeling is more like a deep disappointment and despair, and it surrounds me constantly, even during moments of happiness (which are sadly rare). I am not myself.

AC is my saving grace, and is the only one I can count on for anything. The Alzheimer's support group is also a godsend. I am hoping that the psychologist will also become part of this small team on my side.

Yes, yes, obviously I've had enough and I can't continue being a caregiver. If you've ever wondered how you decide when it's time to pass the caregiving torch to some else, it's now! It's prior to the point when you are about to give up hope. I recommend sooner than that though. ;)

AC and I have decided that we'll find our own place by September 1st. If we can find a live-in caregiver and a place to live sooner than that, I hope to be out of here even earlier.

But that still leaves a lot of challenge between now and then. Coordinating the home care is not easy. And doing that while you are house-hunting and coordinating your own move while working full time is just craziness. I just hope nothing else unexpected happens. But these are the things you have to learn to deal with -- things just pile on and pile on and you have to handle them.

The best that "the system" can do for us right now is give us caregivers from 11am-5pm daily, with the mornings from 7:30 onwards being left for us to hire someone privately. The private caregiver is the same one 5 days a week (and she is great so far), but the afternoon caregivers are different people each day, which makes my mom totally batty. She needs more consistency.

Today she looked at her schedule and flipped out because there were too many different people looking after her throughout the day. She decided she didn't want to go to her afternoon senior's group. Her morning caregiver took her out for awhile, but she refused to come back in time and we almost forfeited the afternoon caregiver because she had to wait for so long and almost went home. So I had to miss the afternoon of work and come home in case she refused to go anywhere and we'd be stuck with no caregiver. You may think this would be a great time to call upon her friends and neighbours for help, but it's not. It's not a good idea to ask people with no experience dealing with dementia to care for a dementia patient who is in the throes of a dementia-related panic. That's a great way to lose friends.

I want to be sensitive to her needs, but because the caregivers have to be scheduled in advance, it's just impossible to cover any last-minute changes. And I can't keep dropping work every time she decides she doesn't want to go to her group or won't come home in time. I wish I could say that her needs come first, but they do not take precedent over my job security! I can't let this continue to affect my work performance, or I won't have a job.

In obstetrics there is a term called dyad which refers to the mother and fetus or mother and baby together as a single unit. Typically, it is the health and wellbeing of the dyad that is looked after, so that one doesn't suffer at the expense of the other. Their wellbeing is inextricably intertwined. I definitely see the dementia patient and their primary caregiver as a dyad. I believe all decisions for the patient's care must be considered in conjuction with the the primary caregiver's needs, and vice versa of course.

Hence, setting up a live-in situation as soon as possible will be the best possible thing for both of us at this point. I hope it will give her the stability and routine that she needs. I hope that it will prevent me from suffering permanent psychological damage. I hope it will prevent further deterioration of our family's relationships. And I hope we will both be happier!