How to care for the caregiver

There's a great article here on the Senior Living Magazine website called "Taking Care of Your Caregiver". I recommend that anyone who isn't the primary caregiver for an ailing loved one read it.

The article goes into more detail, but these are the top-level points:

1. Acknowledge your caregiver’s hard work with verbal appreciation.
2. Encourage your caregiver to attend a support group.
3. Share the care by co-ordinating with family and friends to take some duties off the caregiver’s hands.
4. Arrange for help with errands and chores.
5. Help your caregiver prioritize tasks.
6. Give the gift of relaxation (spa services, etc.)
7. Finally, have some fun and laugh together.


I agree wholeheartedly with all of these!
I'd like to elaborate on them, speaking from my experience...

#1 Acknowledge your caregiver’s hard work with verbal appreciation.
This really gets you through the day. When you don't feel gratitude for the work you do, it can make you totally depressed and resentful.

#2 Encourage your caregiver to attend a support group.
This has probably been the #1 most important thing that keeps me sane and devoted to giving care. When the other things fall by the wayside, a support group helps you hold it all together.

#3 Share the care by co-ordinating with family and friends to take some duties off the caregiver’s hands.
...and don't wait for the caregiver to ask for help! If they have to ask, you're way too late! Caregivers hate to ask for help and by the time they do, they are probably already very desperate and fighting back feelings of resentment.

#4 Arrange for help with errands and chores.
Same as #3.

#5 Help your caregiver prioritize tasks.
I personally don't have a problem with this, but someone who is hired from outside the family may.

#6 Give the gift of relaxation (spa services, etc.)
Yes, yes yes!! Caregiving is so draining on every level, that a 3-hour spa treatment can feel like a 2-week vacation. It has tremendous rejuvenating therapeutic qualities.

#7 Have some fun and laugh together.
Yes, I really wish I had more of this. The only time I see my family is when it's about caring for my mom, and we just haven't had any quality time to just enjoy each other anymore. Our relationships have definitely changed and I really regret it.

I would add one more important point:
Always give your caregiver something to look forward to.
Perhaps this is a combination of the points mentioned above. For example, knowing when their next day off or respite period is, or arranging something special in advance. In the case of a family member caregiver perhaps going so far as to set a termination date in advance when someone else can take over (the biggest trigger for depression for me was not knowing when I'll have some time to myself, or when I'll be getting my life back).

Remember, you want to avoid your caregiver feeling overwhelmed, depressed and resentful! In the case of hired caregivers, you may experience burnout and high turnover. In the case of family members, you may experience a negative change in your relationship which may last forever.